I Never Learned to Juggle

July has been a really great month, every weekend there’s been something to look forward to or a pleasant surprise. And the month is still going strong because a good friend of mine is having a cookout this weekend. You may say, “ehh, it’s the summer there’s a cookout every weekend” but really her cookouts are the best. She has a knack for throwing a great shindig, everyone has a blast, she usually has to put people out! There’s food, drinks, games, music, friends, family and stories that are retold for years to come.

So as you can tell I’m looking forward to it. There’s only one thing I’m worried about…I’ve invited Mr. Off Limits AND Mr. Big/The Crush (two of the guys from my termination clause). This probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to most, but for me it is. See I never learned to juggle….men that is or objects for that matter. Some women, like my girlfriend, are experts at it. That’s one of the reasons she’s a great host, she knows how to juggle the food, the drinks, the people, etc… While I’m great at multitasking in some areas, I can’t seem to apply it to men.

Your Ex’s Friend…

"Hey, your friend is cute"

I’d wager to say that 99% of you would agree that you should never date your friend’s ex. You’d say things like “I wouldn’t risk my friendship“, “It would be weird” and “I don’t want my friends leftovers”. This is an unwritten but generally understood rule for women and I believe it applies to men as well (for relationships anyway, I think smashing your homies sidepiece is acceptable in man logic. Correct me if I’m wrong guys)

My point is we all know your friend’s ex is off-limits, but….what about your ex’s friend? Yes I’m aware that to my ex’s friend, I’m his friends ex, just work with me.

Out of the Blue

Abra ca dabra

When I originally decided to go on a man-cleanse I made an unspoken list of 3 men that would trigger the termination clause (thanks to @shonnerz for that legal-ese) of my self-imposed no dating contract. This list was akin to a married persons exemption list, the list of celebrities with whom cheating is allowed should the opportunity arise. Neither spouse is concerned about this list because the chances are slim that you will ever meet the beauties on your list and nil that they’d ever give you the time of day.

These 3 guys made my list because they all exhibit signs of he’s just not that into you, so I never thought they’d play a factor in my man-cleanse. The first is a long-term crush, the second a friend of a guy I used to “date” and the last is a fellow church goer. I’ve known the crush for over a decade and although he pops up from time to time his inconsistency has always implied that he never been truly interested. The friend of a friend and I are quite flirty on the interwebs but that’s where it ends, plus he’s all smiley faces with everyone, so my assumption is simply that he’s a flirt. The guy from church has been hanging around and making conversation for a few months now, but I interpreted his lack of action to take the conversation past cursory chit-chat as he is just a friendly Christian.

Man Cleanse

Less than a month ago I decided I was going to take a break from dating. When I first proclaimed that I was going on a man-cleanse (thanks VH1 Single Ladies for the moniker) I got several blank stares and “dating is so much fun”, “I enjoy men too much” comments, but it seemed like a great idea to me. I couldn’t think of anything I’d be losing just what I would gain.

What I wouldn’t actually be losing (that I feel everyone else thought I would) was having a fun time getting to know new guys, free meals, great sex, trying new places and trying new things. See I really don’t like dating, I guess I’m a relationship kind of girl (yes I realize this starts with dating). This is probably why I married young not that that worked out . So reliving the first date convo isn’t interesting to me, I would prefer to buy my own dinner than to entertain bad company, I’m celibate and the guys I meet wanna go the same old places and do the same old things.