I’d wager to say that 99% of you would agree that you should never date your friend’s ex. You’d say things like “I wouldn’t risk my friendship“, “It would be weird” and “I don’t want my friends leftovers”. This is an unwritten but generally understood rule for women and I believe it applies to men as well (for relationships anyway, I think smashing your homies sidepiece is acceptable in man logic. Correct me if I’m wrong guys)
My point is we all know your friend’s ex is off-limits, but….what about your ex’s friend? Yes I’m aware that to my ex’s friend, I’m his friends ex, just work with me. If you read my previous post Out of the Blue you know that one of the three guys that were exempted out of my man cleanse is a good friend of one of my “exes”. I say ex with air quotes
why am I really doing them? because we never really dated (he was insistent on being my “non-boyfriend“) but we did hang out for a couple of months. I guess the bigger point is Mr. Off Limits (he needed a name) and I certainly met because of the “ex” ok I’m stopping with the quotes let’s call him “Roger” i lied bout the quotes. For the sake of today’s post I’ll skip the backstory on Roger and just skip to how he wanted to be friends first and then build to a relationship. As a friend he wanted me to meet all his friends fairly soon and I hit it off with most of the crew. I still talk to most of them through social media, at least three of them have called when they’ve been in my city post-Roger and we’ve hung out.
Like I said in my previous post Mr. Off Limits and I flirt quite a bit online. Sadly, I’m pretty sure that’s all it is. Still I wonder if there was something more, could we even explore it considering how we met. We are good as friends; we agree on a lot of things, we encourage each other, we like the same shows, we turn each other on to new music, we’ve even talked about taking a trip together. I think we have several things necessary for a good relationship (on the surface at least, again almost all our interaction is electronic). Actually one of our (Mr Off Limits, Roger and my) mutual friends said just this weekend that we should stop playing around and just get together. So wouldn’t it be awful if we could really be great together, but would never know simply because his friend liked me first and we happened to go on some dates.
I’m one of the few who have never bought the friend’s ex’s rule 100%. Sure I agree it is applicable for most circumstances, if they were in a serious long-term relationship, if it ended badly, if the ex broke it off and you know your friend still has feelings, then HELL to the naw! (where is the naw anyway). However, I think some people (especially women) want to call off sides
I’m positive that is a totally inaccurate use of that term, it just sounded right on any man they’ve ever thought about to dating, tried to date, asked on a date or wished they could date. I’m just saying if you never actually went on a date with the guy how can you call dibs? Maybe it’s because I run in small circles, I’m not with different crews word to Toronto but it stands to reason that if birds of a feather flock together that your friend (or friend of a friend) pool may just be the best source of potential mates. So if you date someone in that pool, why must you be off limits to all the other swimmers? Why should you be penalized if you went on a couple of dates with Guy A just to realize he’s annoying and now his buddy Guy B seems cool? If any of my friends wanted to date Roger I wouldn’t care, we didn’t work, but maybe they would!
I’ll throw in a wrench. Does it make any difference if the ex doesn’t mind? I don’t recall how it came up, but one day Roger told me that I should go for Mr. Off Limits and that he thought that Mr. Off Limits was interested. Now I know most of you think he was just running off at the mouth, but you’d have to know Roger to understand that I really think he wouldn’t care. I do, however, have a feeling that Mr. Off Limits might care (not that I actually think he’s interested anyway).
In short, I actually see nothing wrong with me dating Mr. Off Limits. Now before y’all just decide that I’m just a trifling heffa, I have some reasons for this:
1) Roger has already said he doesn’t care
2) Roger has moved on, he’s married now
3) They’re guys and I don’t think they are as serious about this rule as women
So what do you think? Is there ever an acceptable circumstance to date your friend’s ex? Have you done it? Did it work out? Are men as serious about this rule as women? What constitutes an ex? a single date? a few months? or a long-term relationship? If a friend of yours wanted to date your ex would you mind? Would I be wrong to pursue Mr. Off Limits?*
*I just thought I’d let y’all know that if Mr. Off Limits ever make as real move it’s on like popcorn. So I’m not asking for validation or some cosignage on my ignorance. I just wondered how others felt about the issue. I may not make a move, but that’s because I never make the move, not because I’m concerned about how it would look. Though I wouldn’t want to make Mr. Off Limits feel uncomfortable