Same Difference

Does divorce = single

A while back a girlfriend of mine had an interesting discussion with a mutual friend of ours. She casually mentioned that she and I were single, I’m not sure how this came up in conversation, but that’s not the point. The point is he corrected her by stating that I was divorced. She asked “What’s the difference?”

Her POV:

Her point was that we are both at the same place in life; unnattached, ready to mingle, professional women with, most importantly, no kids. It wasn’t about the lack of kids necessarily, but more so the connection that the kids would create with my ex-husband. She figured since I don’t have to (and don’t) communicate with my ex for any reason that for all practical purposes I was single. Certainly, I had more in common with her than a single person with children.

His POV:

He simply replied “but she was married”. You gotta love the simplicity of male logic…You really can’t argue with the facts.

Actually I agree with his logic, I am DIVORCED, thankfully divorced with very little baggage, but I was married and now I’m not and that’s the definition of a divorcee. This is not a fact I hide or am ashamed of and I make it a point subtly or overtly bring up in conversation with a perspective suitor at some point (that’s another post for another day).

My question is does the title make a difference in how one is viewed by the opposite sex? The male friend’s point was that although I’m a great catch 😉 some men would wonder what was wrong with me. His logic was most would assume incorrectly that my ex divorced me (presumably for good reason) and deduce something must be wrong with me, because who would let me go? 🙂 My thought process is that everyone has a past whether you’re divorced after a two-year marriage or fresh off a breakup of an eight-year relationship. Everyone has had a relationship that failed, I’d be more concerned if you haven’t o_O

To my girlfriends point about children, it is certainly not uncommon nowadays for people to have children that were conceived out-of-wedlock, so whether or not the were married to their baby mama/daddy they still have to deal with them on some level. So I did see her point that we were at the same place (relationshipwise) in life.

Basically I’m saying singles and divorcees can both come with drama, so isn’t it better to take it on a case by case basis? Do you have any preconceived notions about divorcees? Do you think its wrong for a single person to have a preference to date someone who is also single? Do you have any preconceived notions about parents out-of-wedlock? Does the number of kids factor into your thoughts? Do you think it’s wrong for a person to have a preference to date someone who doesn’t have kids?


2 comments on “Same Difference

  1. Let me start off with a quote from a friend of mine, “I file single on my taxes, so I’m single.” Single means different things to different people– to some people it means not married (whether in a relationship or not), to others it means not in a relationship of any kind, it could mean broken up (recently or not), taking a “break” (this is a loaded term and could in itself be the topic of another conversation), or even divorced. Though single can mean a lot of things, divorced only means one thing–previously married. And there is nothing wrong with any of the above. I’ve seen the following as marital statuses on various forms, surveys, etc : married, divorced, single-never married. Again, giving a definite explanation of single because of its ambiguity. It always comes down to perception–how you define youself and how others define you. On that note…my name is Alana and yes I’m single in every sense of the word–not in a relationship, not married, and filing so on my taxes.

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