I first mentioned Mr. Off Limits in Out of the Blue and then again in Your Ex’s Friend. Still I’ll give you a short intro to the “grayness” which is Mr. Off Limits and I. A recap… Mr. Off Limits is a friend of a guy I used to hang out with, 90% of our friendship happens on Facebook where we
sickeningly flirt on each others wall, most of our mutual friends think we’re an item, we’ve been asked when are we going to stop playing and hook up, and prior to this trip we’ve never spent ANY time alone together. I’ve always thought we were playing with our flirting. For example, “our song” (currently) is Lupe’s “Outta My Head” so he may post on my wall “girl I wantcha to know, I can’t get ya outta my head ;-)” and I may comment “you know I love it when you sing to me”. Sometimes it’s a bit naughtier like his status may read “I found a gray hair” and I’ll comment “where? ;-)” He posted a while back to my wall “will you be my e-girlfriend?” and I said yes so we are officially e-boos. lol Still with the exception of a few parties, since we’ve never spent any real-time together we seemed to just be eflirting . Queue this Labor Day weekend.
It started with me, for once – I never instigate. Aren’t y’all proud? He always post what a great time he has with his family on the weekends, so earlier in the summer I mentioned that I was going to crash one of these weekends. So with Labor Day being the official “end of summer” I asked him what he was doing for Labor Day, of course he replied hanging with the fam, so I pretty much invited myself along. I initially planned on getting a room (I had already invited myself to town, I wasn’t about to invite myself in his home), but for mainly financial reasons I ended up staying at his place.
Let me summarize the things that confused me.
- The hello was weird. There was no hug, no handshake, no nothing. He was running behind and had just jumped out the shower (YUM), so he pretty much just lets me in and is like “hey, I’m going to finish getting dressed and we gotta go xyz”.
- We didn’t flirt. The awkward greeting seemed to set the tone for the rest of the weekend. I just didn’t get it, we are quick with our flirty banter on social media and I while expected it to be a little different face to face, I didn’t expect it to be nonexistent. The chemistry that I thought we had online was absent in person
- I met the family, but I didn’t “meet” the family. I’d met some of the family before at his birthday party. So the intro pretty much went like this “Hey you remember Tip from the party”. Once we got to the cookout we pretty much separated, he went to go hang with some cousins and I mingled with some of the older family members. Now I didn’t expect it to be any different after all we are just friends, but I think we confused his family a little bit.
- The “how do you know each other?” question was odd. When the first person asked I sort of stutter stepped, as we met while I was “dating” his friend, also we’re just friends and I felt the question implied more. I wanted to clear that up but not in a way that made me seem not interested. Thankfully, he quickly jumped in and simply said I went to school with the friend (Roger from my ex’s friend post).
- We slept in different beds. Since I’m celibate this was not a problem for me, but it was puzzling. However since we’ve never spent anytime together before I was more attracted to him for not assuming anything and being a gentleman. On the other hand, I was sorta surprised
disappointedhe didn’t try me at all.
- He cooked breakfast. I think this is just because he’s a nice guy and he was cooking breakfast for himself so why wouldn’t he make enough for me.
- We went to church. This was not a surprise as we are both church-goers but my girlfriend swore this had to mean something, especially because his whole family goes to this church.
- I meet his friends. Again, I wasn’t really introduced per se, as I had met a couple of girls the night before (we went out after the cookout). Upon arrival we again split up, he went off to drink with the guys and I plopped down on the couch with the girls I met previously.
- The Goodbye was awkward. The weekend ended like it started…uneventful. Again no hug, no handshake, no nothing. We probably spent about 20 – 30 minutes outside saying goodbye before I finally just got in my car and left.
Let me say even though it doesn’t sound like it… I had a great time. Despite all of the above, we were never at a loss for conversation, his family is friendly, his friends are fun. I had a blast and would definitely visit again, actually an aunt has already invited me. I was just at a loss as why none of what I thought was attraction manifested when we were in person. Then again that (plus escaping ATL’s jammed packed weekend of black gay pride and dragoncon) was why I went, to see if we were just flirty friends or if either of us were serious with our advances.
As I was leaving I decided my answer to the “what are we?” question was: we were friends that just have dirty minds and like to flirt. And I was OK with that. My only concern was would the interesting weekend would change our online interaction, but before I could even get out-of-town good we were going at it again…on fb
get yo mind out the gutter And 2 weeks later nothing has changed. This actually has confused me more. #LeSigh
Being a chick, I shared the events of the weekend with my girls. Of course they had all kinds of input. One stated that meeting the friends and family meant something. The other said maybe he was just to shy to make a move. Another thought maybe how we met was to blame for the lack of chemistry. Yet another is convinced he has a girl or is pursuing a girl but he doesn’t want to cut me off just in case…basically I’m plan B.
Wellst that was my weekend…what thoughts have you? If there was chemistry wouldn’t I have felt it? Should I have initiated the flirting since he didn’t? Was this a case of miscommunication? or am I right and he really just isn’t that into me?